Best Things About Being Single
1. You can do whatever you damn well please.
2. Shave your legs and the razor is never dull from his face.
3. Not only is your razor not dull, who needs to shave at all now?
4. You can leave bra and other unmentionables in view.
5. You can slump around the house in any old thing.
6. You don't having to think about birth control, calendars or ovulation. Mother Nature can visit whenever she likes.
7. You can go out and flirt as much as your heart desires, without a worry in the world.
8. The toilet seat issue -- need I say more?
9. Free drinks at bars! Men seem to know when you're single and tend to be very generous.
10. You can have male friends without having to defend yourself and explain that nothing else is going on.
11. You can finally see all the good videos -- the romantic, cheesy films. (Get some ideas girly videos in our Chick Flicks area.)
12. No one grossing out over Tampax wrappers being anywhere in the house.
13. You don't have to wear thong panties unless you want to wear them.
14. You can have sexual gratification at any time, not just when the sports games are over.
15. You don't have to deal with anyone's grumpy, moody personalities.
16.You can get the juice/cheese/toilet paper/videos/CDs/take-out that you want.
17. You can spend as much time as you want with your family and nobody's lip will drag the ground
18. There is no one putting you on a tiny pedestal that you can fall off of at any moment, unless you are focusing on your balance all day long.
19. You don't have to stroke the fragile male ego, and other things.
20. No needless exposure to foulness, burping, gas and so on.
21. Never worry if the milk carton had been directly drunken out of.
22. You are free at a party or bar to talk to who you please, and you don't always have to turn to and say 'Hon, let's go over and talk to so and so.
23. "You can watch Oprah, Rosie, figure skating, and cooking/decorating shows without having to defend yourself.
24. You can buy what you want at the grocery store. So what if you want to have spaghetti four nights in a row?
25. You can talk to your girlfriends for hours on the phone without getting dirty, exasperated looks.
26. No 'buddies' coming over for 'a couple of beers' then staying and commenting on Pamela Anderson all night (like any of them have a chance).
27. No more checking with someone to see if 'it's okay' to tell someone yes or no to an invitation. You can accept on the spot.
28. You don't have to do laundry because he has no clean socks.
29. You can fill the fridge with fresh fruit and veggies, bottled water, one-percent milk and applesauce instead of cold cuts, beer and Velveeta."
30. No more Cinemax, American Flyers, Steven Seagal or Jackie Chan. You are free to watch Emeril and Ming Tsai three times a day if you want.
31. You no longer have to reassure him that he does indeed look like Bruce Willis.
32. You can be happy with who you are, not who he wants you to be."
33. Your dryer is no longer a fifth dresser drawer.
34. If you are depressed or mad at the world for a few minutes, you don't have to worry about having your 'outlook on life' analyzed.
35. You can buy something for yourself (a new dress, CD, shoes, or whatever) without being asked, 'What do you need that for?'
36. You can eat garlic or onions without a second thought about breath mints.
37. You don't have to give yourself lame excuses for not devoting time to yourself.
38. No one is going to get insulted when you spend the day at the beach checking out the lifeguards.
39. You can have eight hours of undisturbed sleep with the covers all to yourself.
40. You can go to bed in flannel and plaid rather than Frederick's and Victoria
41. The TV Guide crossword puzzle is YOURS, ALL YOURS.
42. If you tidy up your apartment, it will STAY neat until YOU mess it up again!
43. You can spend your paycheck on what you want.
44. Your friends can sleep over and no sleazy 'Can I join in?' comments are made.
45. You don't have to worry if he will or won't call.
46. No more arguments about things you can't explain.
47. You can have a clean bathroom with the toilet seat where you want it.
48. Not only are your dinners free when you go out on those first dates, but they take you out to nice places.
49. No snoring!"
50. The best reason for being single is: Vibrators don't talk back, you can turn them off and on, and they don't stop until they are through serving their purpose.
