Secrets To A Happy Marriage
But love is not too mysterious to understand because we can learn from the romantic achievements of others.
Admittedly, marriage is not the goal of every relationship. But if you are thinking about getting married (or just want to know how your relationship stacks up), review these 10 characteristics of a happy marriage, a worthwhile rubric for evaluating the growth potential of any committed relationship.
1. Joy:
Successful partnerships produce joy. If you don’t enjoy being around your partner, you have a problem. I only wish this bit of sense was as common as it sounds.
2. Fidelity:
Partners must agree on the terms of fidelity (in most marriages, the agreed upon ideal is monogamy) and adhere to those terms. You have to know you can trust your partner, and vice versa.
3. Loyalty:
A house divided cannot stand, no matter if it’s divided by your mother, your best friend, or your children. Your spouse has to be your #1 partner because the two of you form the nucleus of the family and the backbone of the household. If you feel the need to run to your best friend or mother about your relationship, you’ve got work to do, either on yourself or your relationship.
4. Raising Children:
Do you want children? If not, make sure your prospective spouse agrees. And unless you’re 100% sure you’ll never have children (on purpose or otherwise), make sure you’re marrying someone who could be a good parent. Discuss parenting issues before tying the knot: discipline, love, support, involvement, diet, education. If you’re going to make your partner #1, you must be able to trust him or her with your children.
5. Support:
An obvious lack of support during good times is a sign of impending doom. But I’ll take it one step further: if you can’t count on your partner to support one of your crazy dreams every now and then, you may have a problem. Enduring love is always more about the partner than the lifestyle.
6. Consideration:
Of course, if you want your spouse to support one of your crazy dreams, you must mind the impact of your actions. A delicate balance exists between support and consideration; tread softly and remain generous.
7. Respect and Admiration:
Romantic relationships work best if both partners respect and admire each other; if each believes he or she is lucky to have the other.
8. Financial Compatibility:
Want to see fireworks? Watch a shopahaulic marry a tightwad, then stand back. Money is a common cause of divorce, but you can limit the damage by discussing financial issues before you marry: credit cards, debt limits, payment expectations, the whole nine yards. Also, make sure you have enough money to support a marriage.
9. More than Physical:
Yes, physical attraction matters. But it’s so easy to mistake physical attraction for love that it’s wise to ask yourself what you would love about your partner if the physical attraction faded. After all, beauty and youth are fleeting, while the heart and mind endure. A blunt way to confront the issue is to ask yourself a simple question: If you could no longer have sex, would you associate with your partner?
10. Love as a Verb:
The warm, fuzzy feeling that poets and songwriters have struggled for centuries to define is only one small component of love. Real love is based upon action, not merely emotion. The feelings associated with love are fantastic, but love does its best work as a verb, where each partner constantly works in the best interest of the other.
Some relationships disintegrate because partners change in ways that cannot be anticipated. But my experience tells me that most failed marriages are doomed from the start. In other words, the writing is usually on the wall before the groom ever slides the ring onto his bride’s finger. The 10 characteristics above may not tell the whole story, but if more people considered them, perhaps fewer would divorce.
I’ve also heard it said that marriage is an outdated concept; that we should hurl it into the garbage, discarding it forever. I disagree with this notion too, since I adore the institution of marriage almost as much as I adore my wife. But there’s no question that marriage in the modern world is an institution of convenience and desire rather than necessity.
In other words, if the main reasons for marrying involve personal choice and fulfillment, it makes sense to invest enough time and energy to make a decision you’ll be happy with long-term. And perhaps to evaluate whether you’re ready (or suited) for marriage in the first place.
Source: johnplaceonline
